Parent & Teen Relationships

 

While we are looking at parent teen relationships the principles can be applied to a Spouse, small or adult children, friends or coworkers. It’s all about healthy relationships. 

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Day 1 - Pr 1:8 Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching. 9 There will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck.

 

Do you have someone speaking into your life? Teen’s, are you looking to people who have more life experience, Godly understanding and wisdom than you do to gain from? If not - find someone!! When you give guidance, especially to teens, do not use manipulation and control, but with respect, treating them as a young adult speak into their life and be willing to learn from them as well.

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Day 2 - James 1:19* My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

 

We all love to talk. Most conversations are struggling through what the other person is saying so we can get our opinion in. If we ever hope to be wise and create healthy relationships especially with teens we must be as interested in listening as we are in speaking, and if it is trying to problem solve an issue the full weight of this verse must be applied “quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry”.  We cannot hear other’s instructions until we feel we have been heard.

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Day 3 - Eph 1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  2 "Honor your father and mother" --which is the first commandment with a promise-- 3 "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."  4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

 

The balance in this between any people is difficult, with teens it is even more difficult.  For a teen to obey a parent requires submission of their will to the parent.  The parent is told not to break (exasperate) their will but to train them. This delicate balance can only come through love, understanding and patience by both.  Start by having short conversations on easy topics (points of interest, or activities) and establish understanding and relationship.  Be intentional to strengthen your relationship so when big issues come you have built a foundation on which to handle them.

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Day 4 - Pr 30:11  "There are those who curse their fathers and do not bless their mothers;  12 those who are pure in their own eyes and yet are not cleansed of their filth;  13 those whose eyes are ever so haughty, whose glances are so disdainful;  14 those whose teeth are swords and whose jaws are set with knives to devour the poor from the earth.

 

Arrogance is the first step toward self destruction. Scripture says “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” (Pr 16:18) The moment teens see their parents with distain rather than respect they are on a path to dysfunction. Parents, while we cannot control their attitudes or actions we can create a climate to help them get back to a healthy place. We cannot react to them, we have to be the adults and set the example of good communication and attitude even when they do not. We also have to set good boundaries and be consistent.  Without consistency we only encourage their rebellion. Teens, the worst decision you will ever make is to treat your parents as enemies. If you feel like an adult, show it by your actions and attitudes toward your parents, I assure you, you will like the results of this path.

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Day 5 - Col 4:6 Let your conversation be always full of grace. 

No matter who we are, teen, parent, spouse, small or adult children, friends or coworkers we all need GRACE. We need to know we will be loved even when we fail. One of the most healing actions we will ever experience is when we do not get what our actions and attitudes deserve.  Grace catches us off guard, and makes it almost impossible to defend our dysfunctional and sinful behavior. Grace can only come from a mature, healthy and loving place, where we are more about the other person than about ourselves. Give grace a try, and see what God does with it.